I Have An Idea! Let's Talk About Racism

Not enough people in America are talking about racism. Wait, that’s not right...

What I meant was, not enough white, privileged, middle-class moms are talking about racism, and I can think of nobody more qualified to offer an opinion on such a convoluted and volatile subject. Prepare to be schooled yo.

Racism exists and you know it. Everybody, in some form or another, discriminates and I hope you know that, too. America has a dark and dirty history with racism and unfortunately, that problem is not going anywhere. But please allow me to launch a little missile of truth at your head. If you are a parent, you hold the power to not poison your children with it. And whatever your racist tendencies, I encourage you to hide your bigotry from them. Because they watch everything you do and they hear every word you say.

One of the hardest things I have ever had to do (remember, I’m a white, privileged, middle classee) was to send my children to public school. It was a decision I agonized over. Yes, while other parents in our neighborhood worried how they were going to feed their children, I was distraught because we couldn’t afford to send two of ours to the private Christian school where Ali had attended kindergarten.

When the first day of school arrived, I feigned excitement as I got the kids ready but inside I felt like was preparing a couple of lambs for slaughter. Chad and I dropped Ali off in her classroom and said goodbye. Next we took Jackson to his morning kindergarten class, where I stayed to watch over and protect my boy because clearly he needed me (in reality, he forgot I was even there when the class gathered for the morning welcome song. But whatever.)

At the end of the day, we took the kids to Baskin Robbins for a celebratory ice cream cone. I asked Ali the question that had been on my mind all day: “How was your first day of first grade?”

With brimming tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks Ali said, “Mommy, I can't be friends with any girls in my class.” Then, in a performance worthy of an Academy Award, I calmly listened as she explained why.

When the class was lining up for morning recess, a sweet little girl named Jhanae asked Ali if she would like to play with her and Ali said yes. But another girl named Lakisha* came over and yelled at Jhanae, “You can’t be friends with her, she’s white!” So Ali had nobody to play with during recess because not only was she white, but she was the only white girl in class. If what Lakisha said was true, who could be her friend?

In her short six years of life, Ali had never heard anything like this because she was not raised by racists. But apparently, Lakisha was.

The next day, I walked into the school office and explained what had happened to my daughter. I told them that they were going to handle the situation in the exact same way they would handle it if it had been my daughter that said those things to a black child. You might be surprised to learn that they didn’t. Or, you might not.

So, for good measure, I walked into Ali’s classroom and found Lakisha, who outweighed every other first grader by at least thirty pounds. She was wearing french-tip acrylic nails, had a weave half-way down her back, and her ill-fitting t-shirt said, “I Heart My Attitude” in silver glitter. In my most impressive and frightening mommy whisper, I told her that Ali could be friends with anyone she wanted to be friends with. I told her the color of Ali's skin didn’t matter, but what kind of person she was did. I’m sure my “content-of-their-character” reference was completely lost on this little girl in the same way it would’ve been lost on the people who were indoctrinating her.

So that was my daughter’s introduction to racism. She remained the only white girl in her class that year and despite Lakisha she made some good friends and learned some great lessons. And so did I. Specifically, that racism comes in all colors and sizes. And while America is screaming loudly, I will not allow that fact to be drowned out. And neither should you.

*I changed the name of the blossoming racist to protect her identity*