How to Play the Guitar Like Me

            

(This is my step-by-step process for playing the guitar. Feel free to tailor it however you'd like, there is no one way to play, as long as your music speaks to you. As Longfellow said, "Music is the universal language of mankind." And as I say, "Yep.")

Nineteen years ago, a boy taught me how to play certain parts of certain songs and I have never forgotten how. Well, I’ve never forgotten how to play certain parts of certain parts of certain songs. So I’ll explain that.

The guitar I play is a classical guitar, which means it has nylon strings (acoustics have steel strings) and it has a wider neck than an acoustic guitar. The sound is much more mellow and “folksy.” I didn't know this at the time, instead, I liked the color of the wood. I recommend choosing your instrument based solely on appearance. I bought the guitar at a pawn shop on my eighteenth birthday. I also bought a pair of Doc Marten’s from Joon’s head shop in Lakewood. It was a good birthday.

First, I take the guitar out of the attic and blow off the dust. I have an allergy attack and go upstairs to find tissues. I notice my linen closet is in complete disarray so I rearrange and organize a bit. I go back to my guitar. I unzip the case and remove the guitar. The initial strum of the strings tells me the guitar needs tuning. I call my husband, Chad, who tunes it for me. I’m not sure how this is done. I think magic is involved. And turning the pegs on the neck just so. But mostly magic.

Once the guitar is tuned (I know it’s tuned because Chad tells me it is) I situate the guitar in my lap, holding the neck in my left hand with the strings facing away from me. This part is important to remember for the novice. I wrote a poem to help you remember:

Guitar strings away

Easy to play.

(After a while, this part will become second nature, be patient with yourself.) I spend the next three minutes trying to recall finger placement for the intro to Metallica’s “One.” This is where those around me hear a lot of:

“No wait…. Okay... listen now—no—wait. Okay, watch. How come this isn’t working?”

Finally, I realize that my fingers are on the wrong part of the fingerboard, which means I’m playing the wrong notes. I can’t tell you what the notes are called, only that they’re the wrong ones.

Eventually, my fingers find the right strings. This is usually an accident. By this time, everyone has left the room. I begin to play the song. I can’t use a pick because it messes me up, but I’m pretty sure the song would sound better with a pick. Also, it might sound better on an electric guitar, but I don't have one of those.  I begin to play the notes and at this point, I once again say:

“Wait, No... Okay… No. Wait... I hate this stupid guitar.”

I pick—with my fingers, not an actual pick, because those are hard—my way through the first eight or nine seconds of the song. Because that’s all I know. I call my family to come back in the room. They seem to not hear me. I yell louder. I get up and take the guitar into the other room where they are squeezed together behind the curtains, standing as still as statues. This tells me they are waiting for me to perform and don’t want to be a distraction while I play. I perform for them.

It takes a few minutes of fumbling, but I finally play my piece. They slowly step out from behind the curtain. My kids’ faces bear the expression of someone who just watched a natural childbirth for the first time. As I begin to ask what their reaction means, I’m interrupted by Chad, who puts his arm around me and says, “Rachie, how do you do that?” I offer to teach him but he quickly excuses himself to answer the front door. Which is weird, because I didn’t hear a knock.

That is how I play a guitar. There are multiple techniques and methods by which you too can learn to play, and I hope you find one you love. Remember, it took me nineteen years to get where I am.